Big Dooley

I use the old saying “if you can’t change your mind, then you don’t have one”  A LOT.  But in this case I’m not sure if its me who’s changed my mind or my older brother Gregs influence on me thats changed my mind.

Greg passed away last month. He played a lot of different roles to a lot of different people.  He was a father, husband, son, fighter pilot, nephew, cousin, business partner, uncle, grandpa, teammate, a Coug, a boss, a friend and more…he was also a big brother to me and my two younger bros.  He was my only older brother.

 

He meant so much to so many different people but I can only write about what he means to me because thats the only way I truly knew him.

I was very fortunate to be able to have him involved in my whole life.

We were raised in the same home, had the same parents, raised in the same church, went to the same schools, played the same sports, played on the same teams, had the same coaches.  We went to the same college, lived at the same house in college (his, LOL) drove the same cars in high school, had the same younger brothers, invested in the same businesses, and on and on and on.  We saw much of life thru the same window.. so naturally, I miss him.

His opinion of me was important.  Not so much different than trying to impress my father, I was always trying to seek the favor of my older brother.  And why not? He was the pitcher, the quaterback, point guard, the F15 pilot, Desert Storm Vet, the one who “toughened me up” when we were little, the one who had all the girls in school, had the nice cars.  The one who didn’t party as much as me! And he let me know it a time or two! But for as much of an influence he was to me, well…I haven’t always listened.

A couple of months ago I decided to stop writing and recording songs for a number of different reasons and focus totally on my family and embroidery business.  I wrote a blog about it but have since removed the post because yep, I changed my mind…better said,  Greg’s influence has changed my mind.

 I was very happy with my decision and didn’t have second thoughts until the week before he died. Then I started reminiscing about how much he meant to me,  particularly, a story of what he told me last September when we went out for beers.

 It was a fall Saturday afternoon, and the Cougs just finished getting their asses kicked on tv.  So I called big Dooley and invited him out for beers at the new 7 Seas Brewery in Gig Harbor.  I had just made my first batches of home brew and now was having dreams of making my own brewery.

 7 Seas was a perfect model for a brewery and I was very eager to get Gregs opinion of their operation.  Since he shared the experience of Washington Fresh Juice with me, as I had lost his $10,000 bucks he invested, I was sure he would tell me if I was crazy or not!

 

 Its important for me to point out that Greg was not quite the bullshitter I am. He wasn’t a big talker but when he did, he said exactly what was on his mind…he was dialed in.

 After we quaffed a few pints I asked him “well, what do you think…a brewery?”  He looked right in my eyes and said “do the music”. I said “what?...what do you mean..my music?”  He said “yep”. I said “shut the hell up…do my music for a business? not a brewery, or furniture or embroidery?” he said  “yep”.

 I wasn’t sure he even liked my music!  All I knew was that he and his daughter Sarah liked one song called Fat Fingers Little Screws and listened to it a lot a few years ago as he drove her to school in the mornings.  I was shocked at his response…and quite frankly, flattered…so I asked again!  I said, “Dooley, are you serious dude, don’t mess with me… do the music?” he said “ya man I’m serious, but if you build a brewery… I want in on it!”.

 Ironically, that trip last September to the 7 Seas was the last time we ever went out for beers.  The next week his illness came out of remission.

 That conversation has been stuck in my head ever since.  But as I said, I didn’t always listen to him and decided to go a different direction and quit writing songs anyway…until his last week of life.

 On April 14, Greg was taken in an ambulance to the hospital and admitted to the ER.  After a series of events I had to drive back to the hospital at midnight to pick up mom.

I was driving moms car and I was alone. I was trying to find a radio station and I fell upon a soft rock station.  The song that came on was Drift Away by Dobie Gray.  Wow I thought, this was a song that reminded me of when we were kids, I hadn’t heard it in years,  I didn’t even know the name of it until I googled it later…I started to sing along, then I just broke down... bigtime.

 The song was stuck in my head the next day and I started singing the chorus on the way to the gym cuz the chorus lyrics were the only ones I knew…then I realized it was kind of a cool song to sing even tho it made me sad cuz it was reminding me of Greg… then I went home an downloaded it. 

I  started to bond to the song and was having second thoughts about my music and had thoughts of recording a mix…. the song actually started helping me in a time of sadness…it began to make me feel good in a grieving kind of way.

 2 days later Greg took a downturn and was transferred to ICU.  It was around midnight again when I got the call that he might not make it much longer so the family was encouraged to come to the hospital and say our goodbyes.  My brother Mike drove us over in his van.

 On the way home,  the song came on  again, this time on Mikes radio on a different staion.  It blew me away.  I then knew I could feel Gregs spirit  tell me to record it…if for no other reason than to help myself thru the pain.  I know it was him... I could feel it.

 So I took a knife and pryed the “stop” and “record” buttons up from inside the shell of my broken recorder to see if I could get it to work temporarily, and somehow it worked.  Then quickly threw together this mix before he passed.

- Drift Away

below: Greg in the middle with his F15 - photo taken in Jordan

 

I hope I’m not coming across as self-serving or inconsiderate by blogging about this stuff but I just feel I have to…its been swelling inside me for weeks now and it wont go away.  I don’t know what any of this means or where its going or what to do about it but this is gonna be the time I DO try to honor and listen to my big brother…I just don’t know how yet.  WE ALL MISS YOU BRO

 
 

Comments

[Johnallee47]

Jeff that was wonderful! Iam blessed to have known you and Gregg!! Please continue to allow your feelings to flow and be expressed in such wonderful ways!! Gregg was such a good man and i know he is very proud of you!!!

[Leannecanton]

I loved this Jeff. Did Greg get to hear the mix? I loved it!

[Count Gilbert]

you guys are awesome people...
thank you John :) I'm not sure if he got to hear it or not Leanne...but I told him about it while he was sleeping...thank you so much :))